BY CYNAID CREE
Our parents groom us into the individuals we become in the world.We are our parents children but sometimes we are not our parents.Each person has their own unique quality to their personality.Sometimes our parents can guide us positively or negatively of the people we will become in the world.A girl that grows up with an abusive father will unconsciously pick an abusive boyfriend or husband.This is because she is unconsciously immune to this type of abuse and deems it as normal.A boy that grows up with an alcoholic mother or uncaring mother might choose a wonderful wife that is motherly. He could be uncaring towards his wife and display signs of alcoholism to deal with his problems or he could choose a woman who is alcoholic or does not possess a motherly trait.The situations,feelings and emotions exposed in our own family is the way we will play out our character to the world.I am writing this article to help you take a step back to understand yourself from the environment you came from.When you try to do this,you will begin to understand why me?You will learn that you are being taught something.You will no longer feel alone or helpless.You will have freedom to excel and do better.You are put in this situations so that you can change your life and help others.Imagine for one second there was no right and wrong,no yes or no just the understanding of the situation.When you learn to understand to stop the anger,blame yourself or your parents,you will be less angry with yourself and learn to accept the lesson being taught to you.
Below is an excercise that I encourage you to do.It is from this excercise you will begin to understand why you have the problems that you do.You will learn better how to deal with your relationships.What serves you or what does not.Most of all you will learn to be calm,accepting and excel.
Our parents groom us into the individuals we become in the world.We are our parents children but sometimes we are not our parents.Each person has their own unique quality to their personality.Sometimes our parents can guide us positively or negatively of the people we will become in the world.A girl that grows up with an abusive father will unconsciously pick an abusive boyfriend or husband.This is because she is unconsciously immune to this type of abuse and deems it as normal.A boy that grows up with an alcoholic mother or uncaring mother might choose a wonderful wife that is motherly. He could be uncaring towards his wife and display signs of alcoholism to deal with his problems or he could choose a woman who is alcoholic or does not possess a motherly trait.The situations,feelings and emotions exposed in our own family is the way we will play out our character to the world.I am writing this article to help you take a step back to understand yourself from the environment you came from.When you try to do this,you will begin to understand why me?You will learn that you are being taught something.You will no longer feel alone or helpless.You will have freedom to excel and do better.You are put in this situations so that you can change your life and help others.Imagine for one second there was no right and wrong,no yes or no just the understanding of the situation.When you learn to understand to stop the anger,blame yourself or your parents,you will be less angry with yourself and learn to accept the lesson being taught to you.
Below is an excercise that I encourage you to do.It is from this excercise you will begin to understand why you have the problems that you do.You will learn better how to deal with your relationships.What serves you or what does not.Most of all you will learn to be calm,accepting and excel.
When we blame others for the things that happen to us, we are mistaken.
Most of us don't believe that for a minute. But it is the truth.
Things happen. Some of them are accidents. Some of them are designed by the Divine to help us learn something about ourselves and others. Some of the are actually designed by us to help us learn something we want to learn. Some are caused by people in the grip of pain, wild emotions, drugs, mental problems or psychological disorders. Some are random acts of cruelty and evil.
What's important to our spiritual health is not what happens to us but how we react to what happens. The event that happened did hurt us. Our reactions to that event continue to hurt us every day of our lives. We can't stop what happened. We can stop our reactions to what happened. We do that through the simple process of understanding why we blame somebody or something else for our pain. We make a list of what happened and our current understanding of why we blame anybody or anything for what happened. We can learn to understand the evil deed they did was not them and the evil deed we did was not us.
We blame them, us or it because they, me or it did it.
We heal ourselves by understanding the other person was out of control and couldn't stop before they hurt us. They were physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually out of control. We heal ourselves by understanding we were out of control when it happened and that's all there is to it. We heal ourselves by understanding the thing was out of control when it hurt us and that's all there is to it.
Healing always follows such an effort. Those steps are:
- List and understand what you blame your father for doing to you
- List and understand what you blame your mother for doing to you
- List and understand what you blame your child or children, brother or brothers, sister or sister, aunts, uncles and cousins for doing to you
- List and understand what you blame your grandparents, great uncles, great aunts, nieces, nephews and all your other ancestors for doing to you
- List and understand what you blame your friends, fellow students and fellow employees for doing to you
- List and understand what you blame your enemies and antagonists for doing to you
- List and understand what you blame all other persons whatsoever for doing to you
- List and understand what you blame yourself, your mind, body, attitudes, beliefs, intentions, health and actions for doing to you
1. List and understand what you blame your father for doing to you
For our purposes the term father refers to the male person who contributed most to your childhood. This may be your biological father, a step-father or other male figure. It may include other men or be a combination of several men. If this is the case, you may want to do this task for each of them.
Your father, whether he is currently dead or alive, is a human being complete with strengths and weaknesses. He is a product of his environment and his heredity. He is a product of the prejudices and biases of his own parents and the society in which he grew up. He was and still is imperfect and he made and may still be making many mistakes.
Your father loves you and he wants the very best for you and he always has. He always did the best he could do in everything he did based on who and what he was at the time. He never intended to harm you, but he did intend to protect and teach you as best he could based on who and what he was at the time. He was imperfect and he made mistakes.
Your task is to sit quietly, become comfortable, take a few deep breaths and write down everything you remember you blame your father for. List the things he said and did that made you feel badly and explain these feelings.
Make certain your list is as complete as it can be for now. This may take you several days. So be it. Write as long as thoughts and ideas arise and as long as you're comfortable. Take a break when you need to take a break. The intent of this part of the task is to recall as many details as you can comfortably recall about the things for which you blame your father. Write them all down together with a description of your feelings at the time.
When you're done try to understand what mental, emotional, psychological or spiritual illness caused him to act in this way. Yes, he may have been the cause of your pain, but you don't need to hang onto that forever. You can let it go and that choice is yours and yours alone. When finished, go to step two.
2. List and understand what you blame your mother for doing to you
For our purposes the term mother refers to the woman who contributed most to your childhood. This may be your biological mother, a stepmother or other female figure. It may include other women or be a combination of several women. If this is the case, you may want to do this task for each of them.
Your mother, whether she is currently dead or alive, is a human being complete with strengths and weaknesses. She is a product of her environment and her heredity. She is a product of the prejudices and biases of her own parents and the society in which she grew up. She was and still is imperfect and she made and may still be making many mistakes.
Your mother loves you and she wants the very best for you and she always has. She always did the best she could do in everything she did based on who and what she was at the time. She never intended to harm you, but she did intend to protect and teach you as best she could based on who and what she was at the time. She was imperfect and she made mistakes.
Your task is to sit quietly, become comfortable, take a few deep breaths and write down everything you remember you blame your father for. List the things she said and did that made you feel badly and explain these feelings.
Make certain your list is as complete as it can be for now. This may take you several days. So be it. Write as long as thoughts and ideas arise and as long as you're comfortable. Take a break when you need to take a break. The intent of this part of the task is to recall as many details as you can comfortably recall about the things for which you blame your father. Write them all down together with a description of your feelings at the time.
When you're done try to understand what mental, emotional, psychological or spiritual illness caused her to act in this way. Yes, she may have been the cause of your pain, but you don't need to hang onto that forever. You can let it go and that choice is yours and yours alone. When finished, go to step three.
3. List and understand what you blame any of your children, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins for doing to you
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write it all down and open yourself to accepting each person as doing the best he or she could do at the time. When finished, go to step four.
4. List and understand what you blame your grandparents, great uncles, great aunts, nieces, nephews and all your other ancestors for doing to you
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write it all down and open yourself to accepting each person as doing the best he or she could do at the time. When finished, go to step five.
5. List and understand what you blame your friends, fellow students and fellow employees for doing to you
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write it all down and open yourself to accepting each person as doing the best he or she could do at the time. When finished, go to step six.
6.List and understand what you blame your enemies and antagonists for doing to you
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write it all down and open yourself to accepting each person as doing the best he or she could do at the time. When finished, go to step seven.
7. List and understand what you blame all other persons whatsoever for doing to you
Use the same technique you used for your mother and father and consider as many of these people as possible. Write it all down and open yourself to accepting each person as doing the best he or she could do at the time. When finished, go to step eight.
8. List and understand what you blame yourself, your mind, body, attitudes, beliefs, intentions, health and actions for doing to you.
We've intentionally saved the most difficult task for last. Having gone through this process for others makes it easier for us to go through it for ourselves. But go through it we must if we really intend to become the person we want to become. Go through it we must if we wish to advance spiritually in this lifetime
photo courtesy of:Vlado
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