WOULD YOU DATE AN OLDER OLDER MAN?

BY CYNAID CREE
Most women opt for an older guy but how much of the basic answer we hear about women dating older men'' he take cares of me is...
*He has money to take care of all my needs VS
*He provides emotional support and cares for me being already mature

There has been many women opting for older men because he is financially stable.I often wonder which part of a man a woman is attracted to.Not all women rely on men to take care of all their needs.Some women are very independent and run their own successful businesses or work and have their own titles for the companies they work for.On the other hand there is some women who will tell you they look for older men so that they don't need to work so hard so that they can stay at home and concentrate on being beautiful.I did some research and fine tuned this question to get answers as to why some women prefer an older man.The PROS and CONS below are not my views but from real people of the real reasons why women prefer older men

PROS OF DATING AN OLDER MAN
*They are more experienced
*Older men treat women with more respect
*More mature and intelligent than young men
*They are patient with you in every department
*Older men don't waste your time and are ready to give you what you want
*They are supportive
*He's not hanging in the clubs looking at another woman
*He gets the bill every time and doesn't worry about splitting the bill or what the meal costs every time you  go out

CONS OF DATING AN OLDER MAN
*Some older men can be controlling
*Some older men think they can buy you
*They could already be married
*Divorced with children without disclosing that information to you
*You could lead a double life not knowing until its too late
*They can drop you as soon as they get you,trade you in like a car for a newer model
*They are not always ready to go through something twice when you want to the first time around,eg  marriage ,children
*He has too much baggage,ex issues etc

Other good read from madamenoire.com

A few weeks ago, a conversation emerged on my Twitter timeline discussing whether or not black women should seek older men for dating and relationships. Many young women may hold the belief that an older man will be more established in his career, more protective and eager to settle down with one woman. Yet, as someone who has dated older, I now know this is not always the case.  There are a few major differences in the way that older men do things that any young black woman should respectfully consider before embarking on a May-December romance.

One of the first factors a woman should weigh is that an older man may not be as mature as she might assume him to be.  The general assumption is that a man of a certain age will be very mature, what with the assumption that he’s gotten all of the partying and “playing” out of his system. A man should be judged individually for what emotional and mental state he presently is in, not for where society dictates he should be at a certain age. My experience has taught me that there are plenty of men who are well into their 30s and 40s who still possess the behavioral traits of an early-20 something, college-campus playboy.  Unless you are looking for a fun and light partnership, such a man – regardless of age – is not the type to pick when ready to settle into a serious relationship. Trust, the old saying, “with age comes wisdom” does not apply to everyone. More or less, the experiences of a man can be what makes him more mature, or what has him getting his Benjamin Button on behavior-wise.

On that note, another major difference that is sure to arise is the large gap in life experiences. Although, a young lady may feel as if she is too mature for men her age, her lack of experience will more than likely cause her to come off as young, inexperienced and even immature in front of an older man. Let’s face it: the things we experience by the time we are in our mid-20s will pale in comparison to the journeys and obstacles we will have endured 10-20 years down the line. A woman in her 20s can only act as what she is – a young adult, no matter how mature she is. Such a difference in life experiences can prove to be thrilling at first. He may be invigorated by her youth, while she is enthralled and inspired by his background and knowledge. But the very things that may cause a strong connection, may threaten it. The power dynamic may be more tipped in the man’s favor due to his array of experiences and age. Being older, the man may be more grounded in his beliefs and habits, being less likely to change them; regardless of how they may affect his partner. The younger woman, on the other hand, may grow weary of the adviser role the man may assume, feeling as if he is being more condescending than mentoring, more stubborn than willing to compromise.
Lastly, a woman should consider if she is ready for what she is asking for in a relationship with an older man. She may feel as if she is ready to settle down, when in actuality that may be the farthest thing she needs, and even understands. An older man may be at the point in his life where he is ready to find a wife – and not just a girlfriend. He may be hoping to get married in a couple of years, with babies soon to follow. A younger woman must really ask herself if she is truly ready to experience such life changing events, and willing to give to her significant other what he is asking for. On the other hand, there are some older men who have already been married and have children, and may not wish to have anymore, or go through the experience a second time around. Because of that, they might want to take things at a snail’s pace. A young woman should weigh whether or not she is ready to make such definite decisions that may affect the rest of her life and alter plans she’s had for herself.

I am, by no means, slamming or demonizing May-December relationships. As I have learned in the past, they can be both thrilling and daunting, and some can be a big success. It all depends on the guy. With more and more articles continuing to question the marriageability of black women, I understand why some may look at men they may not have considered before. And I do advocate for women to keep their choices open as love is such an indiscriminate force. However, I do ask that we keep our heads leveled when trying something new, especially when picking mates who are more seasoned than us.

PHOTO COURTESY BY: PHOTOSTOCK

LOVE HURTS

BY CYNAID CREE

Concerning Love,the bad will always happen,but the only way to fix a broken heart is one piece at a time no matter if it is a break up,divorce or death.The only way to heal pain is to bring back the joy in your life.Start doing things that you fear the most and you wont fear anything anymore.Learn to confront your fears so that you can take back control of your life.Once you confront fears,you are in the clear of  doing all the things you love again.

Pain can hurt so much that you can never see beyond your present emotions and situations.Its like being in front of a brick wall.You also cannot be happy in the future if you do not deal with your emotions or pain in the present moment.This time is sincerely hard.You feel like you are all alone in a blackened out room.As you look beyond your pain and grief,taking each day as it comes you will start to see a tiny beacon of light again in that blackened room with you.Every day does become better and that light will shine and become brighter and stronger, and remember that whether its break up,divorce or death all pain feels the same.At some point we go through all types of pain and get to experience it.Time truly does heal believe it or not,but eveyone heals at different times in their lives.Many things are terrible but a blessing in disguise.Remember without night we cant see the day,in order for us to see a new day we need to embrace the night,the same goes with relationships,sometimes you have to go through many relationships before you become ready for the right one.Sometimes those right relationships can be delayed until the universe knows you are truly ready to receive it.Even after the death of a loved one,Love does not end there.So although we loved and feel hurt,our hearts can heal and still love again.Thank the universe for that relationship because it has given you wisdom on how to appreciate and receive the next one.The choice is always yours on the relationships you wish to receive.

Theres a song I really like,no matter which century a person gets the opportunity to listen to it and understand the lyrics,Its one of the best songs describing what hurt can feel like.It also talks about how hurt can teach you many things.

Love hurts,  Love scars,
Love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts

I'm young,
I know,
But even so
I know a thing or two, I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts

Some fools think
Of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves, I guess
They're not foolin' me
I know it isn't true I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts

I know it isn't true
I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts
Ooo-oo, love hurts, Ooo-oo


photo courtesy:by Idea go

ARE YOU BEEN TAKEN ADVANTAGED OF?

BY CYNAID CREE

We all have been taken advantaged of at some point in our lives.Sometimes we let it go but when can you risk putting yourself in a bad relationship, only to realize later on in marriage that your partner takes you for granted.There are many sweet people that helped pick up the broken pieces of a relationship,perhaps formed a relationship with someone after they had been dumped,ended up pregnant or something similar along the line and helped put some grace back into shame .Although there is nothing wrong with helping someone to recovery,but you sure dont want to be just somebodys rebound guy or girl.Your needs also need to be met.

Sweet people have to learn to be more assertive to how they want to be treated because people only treat you how you want them to treat you.If you walk into a restaurant and they keep serving you stale or cold food and you never complain or talk to the manger about your dissapointments,the restaurant will always be serving you stale or cold food.Nobody is saying you have to cause a scene and cause all the people to run out but you do need to address your concerns as you are paying for the meal.Someone who is too nice and too sweet will be thinking I dont want to upset them or hurt their feelings because I come here all the time.

There is some men and women that have taken advantaged of their partners and the victims become more like housekeepers or financers or babysitters instead of a partner.They soon end up in a loveless marriage while they partners are busy cheating out of the home.These incidents happen often because some sweet partners are too allowing,to considerate and too helpful and choose to do everything thats asked instead of stressing their dissapointment and anger.By Stressing your feelings in the beginning of your relationship you show your assertiveness and then nobody can take advantage of you.It takes two people to work in a relationship and marriage and no one person should be doing all the work.

So if you are a passive person and feeling taken advantage of:
1)Learn to slowly stress your concerns of a relationship
2)Learn to be frank or upfront but in a non confrontational/angry way
3)Try to start a new relationship instead of picking up the pieces of somebody elses.For passive    people this can be highly stressfull and takes alot of energy to maintain.Passive people are quite rational people and hardly find themselves in trouble.Chances are if you pick up the pieces of another relationship,your partner could find themselves in another situation for you to keep bailing them out.
4)Respect yourself so that others can gain your respect before you comitt to anything
5)Dont be too trusting in everything you hear
6)Take your time to understand people and situations before to start helping anybody.
7)Look for re-occuring patterns of others to not get suckered into their stories.

CAN YOU BE IN LOVE WITH TWO PEOPLE?

BY CYNAID CREE
Last Night I caught a glimpse of the finale of THE BACHELORETTE.With so many seasons I often wonder if people have found true love on the show.As you know that love cannnot be determined in 30  days or a season.I found it hard to understand if Love was really happening or was it infatuation on the series as many of the luxuries were sponsored.When you look at real relationships,we are not been whisked away everyday on romantic destinations.You know the saying " when life gives you lemons,make lemonade".Its in these times that mostly help you discover who you are ,and the person that best is suited for you.There will be more days when life will give you lemons and I think we need to know more how to communicate on these days than the rosy romantic days.

On a past post I wrote about"If opposites attract?".Sometimes we look for people that are similar to us and think that maybe, they best compliment us.I can understand why on THE BACHELORETTE,the contestant chose someone that was opposite to her.We need people to balance us.If there is someone like us,they too are seeking for someone to balance them.Over time relationships can fail because , 2 people with similar traits, competing for whatever it is they are seeking.There is no way of explaining it but opposite relationships are rewarding because one is the teacher and the other the student and then the roles reverse.At all times you both are growing and learning from each other.

So coming back to the question.Can you be in Love with two people?,yes you can be in love with two people.Hopefully you are not confusing Love with infatuation and Lust and definitely not when you are already married.Love is rewarding and all love is different.I am sure you have dated people and found out what where the things you liked about someone.However if you are not in that relationship anymore,perhaps you were craving the knowledge from learning something new and you couldnt evolve anymore with a person.Sometimes relationships fail because people fail to remind each other of the Love they first started to have for each other.

When you're in Love with two people,you eventually have to weigh down  the person with the most positives in order to choose.I am hoping you are looking for:
1)Is the person Caring?
2)Is the person honest?
3)Can this person sail some storms with  you?We all need some storms to help us decide.
4)Is this person helpful?
5)Do they support your dreams?
6)Can they sacrifice things in their life for you?
7)Do they contribute financially with you for a comfortable life
8)Do they spoil you?This is not a must ,but we all need this from time to time when money allows, to remind each other the love we have for them.

PHOTO COURTESY
www.freebievectors.com/