BY CYNAID CREE
Many couples came forward telling the the stories of how they had a brief fling only that it was too late to fix the relationship due to the trust factor that keeps re-surfacing.
Women tell that the only reason they take back a cheating husband is because of the children and they even opt for counseling,but once they try to mend the relationship,the trust factor at the back of your head is always there and so eventually the relationship does break apart because you live with a person you dont know anymore.
Men tell that they have flings only because of the sex and maybe they just get bored in their intimacy within the marriage because its not there anymore.It does not mean they dont love their wives.The wives dont agree and think that if you love someone you cant be that stupid to risk everything just for a brief moment of pleasure.Women also say that they too know when the intimacy decreases in their relationship.They would also want to have that in a relationship but when you start a family the responsibilties changes within a home.Its not that you dont want to make time for intimacy but cooking,cleaning and the kids can sometimes take away all your time and theres little time left for intimacy.Eric Anderson authour of THE MONOGAMY GAP:MEN LOVE AND THE REALITY OF CHEATING interviewed 120 men and discovered those who cheated did so because they were sexually bored and unsatisfied with having sex with one person.
If men who cheat,then their other reason was that they were not bored with the person but just bored in not having sexual variety.
Although men who end their affairs always get caught because the other woman always wants more and threatens his job,threatens to come clean with his wife or the wife eventually suspects her husbands strange behaviours.Most men are not open with the communication with their wives and think if they ask for more sexual intimacy,that this could upset their wives.Then theres the wives that dont take the gesture seriously and so the men stray.This should not be an excuse for straying though as I do believe women would also like more intimacy. If men can help with the kids,the cleaning or the cooking this can leave more time for couples to spend together and solving the problem of flings.Some Men do have the habit of coming home and expecting a spotless home,dinner on the table and kids already put to bed and still expect all the intimacy with that.Its nearly impossible to do all of it with a family of young kids.I do realize its an important factor in a happy marriage and women should realize it in their marriage and learn to ask for help and learn to request date nights during the week so that you dont lose the spark in your own relationship.
The thing about flings whether its a man or woman when someone has been unfaithful how can you not live in fear of them hurting you again.If someone has a thought of a fling in their mind they should think twice before they gamble away a good relationship that took years to build only to throw it away on one fling.Whereas a relationship that you invested love and time in,it only takes communication to help you realize what was missing or how you can add something again that you once had before.
photo courtesy:Simon Howden
Many couples came forward telling the the stories of how they had a brief fling only that it was too late to fix the relationship due to the trust factor that keeps re-surfacing.
Women tell that the only reason they take back a cheating husband is because of the children and they even opt for counseling,but once they try to mend the relationship,the trust factor at the back of your head is always there and so eventually the relationship does break apart because you live with a person you dont know anymore.
Men tell that they have flings only because of the sex and maybe they just get bored in their intimacy within the marriage because its not there anymore.It does not mean they dont love their wives.The wives dont agree and think that if you love someone you cant be that stupid to risk everything just for a brief moment of pleasure.Women also say that they too know when the intimacy decreases in their relationship.They would also want to have that in a relationship but when you start a family the responsibilties changes within a home.Its not that you dont want to make time for intimacy but cooking,cleaning and the kids can sometimes take away all your time and theres little time left for intimacy.Eric Anderson authour of THE MONOGAMY GAP:MEN LOVE AND THE REALITY OF CHEATING interviewed 120 men and discovered those who cheated did so because they were sexually bored and unsatisfied with having sex with one person.
If men who cheat,then their other reason was that they were not bored with the person but just bored in not having sexual variety.
Although men who end their affairs always get caught because the other woman always wants more and threatens his job,threatens to come clean with his wife or the wife eventually suspects her husbands strange behaviours.Most men are not open with the communication with their wives and think if they ask for more sexual intimacy,that this could upset their wives.Then theres the wives that dont take the gesture seriously and so the men stray.This should not be an excuse for straying though as I do believe women would also like more intimacy. If men can help with the kids,the cleaning or the cooking this can leave more time for couples to spend together and solving the problem of flings.Some Men do have the habit of coming home and expecting a spotless home,dinner on the table and kids already put to bed and still expect all the intimacy with that.Its nearly impossible to do all of it with a family of young kids.I do realize its an important factor in a happy marriage and women should realize it in their marriage and learn to ask for help and learn to request date nights during the week so that you dont lose the spark in your own relationship.
The thing about flings whether its a man or woman when someone has been unfaithful how can you not live in fear of them hurting you again.If someone has a thought of a fling in their mind they should think twice before they gamble away a good relationship that took years to build only to throw it away on one fling.Whereas a relationship that you invested love and time in,it only takes communication to help you realize what was missing or how you can add something again that you once had before.
photo courtesy:Simon Howden
In my opinion I believe we are sexually too exposed. We see sexual endeavors on tv and in the movies. As time passes by these sexual images become more frequent. Most modern families have some kind of pornographic material in their homes. You need to understand, I'm not trying to blame, this is only my personal opinion. Looking at all these sexual images, one sees a lot of multiparty activities. Men and women alike get the idea, mainly due to the way these images are being portrayed, that they are missing out on something in life. Could this be the main cause for flings?
ReplyDeleteI agree we are too sexually exposed.In South africa there are some children being exposed to their parents sexual acts because they live in a tiny informal house.All these images can mean different things to a child.When they go out in the world,that experience that they saw.It would act out in their lives as being too promiscious or violent behaviour such as rape or have affairs in their marriages.This is just one reason but another reason is communication.Partners are not open to their needs or talk about it and feel that talking about it could upset their partner.They therefore act as if everything is ok and look elsewhere for pleasure.Recently we saw the young twilight star kristen cheat on her bf co-star for a married director.Where did it get her?She lost both her bf and lover and broke a happy family.She then sent out a public apology that she loves her bf and shes so so sorry.If you really love someone I find it hard to risk infatuation for something you already have that is real?i guess actors and not really acting;)
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